“A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded pistol on your coffee table — there’s nothing wrong with them, but it’s hard to stop thinking about it.”

Banner

Prosthetic Legs

In ninth grade I was going to a very small school (7-12 grade = 250 kids). There was a girl in tenth grade who had a prosthetic leg, attached just below the knee. Well, my friend and I just started drawing different cool legs she could have. Here are some we came up with:

  • Home Economics leg - built-in sewing machine, small ez-bake oven, etc.
  • Laser leg - Could be used to measure things, or the intensity could be turned up to burn things.
  • Spring leg - for dunking the basketball
  • Deer Hunting leg - equipped with a hand warmer, a .30-30, and snacks!
  • Fishing leg - fishing pole holder, measuring marks (to make sure the fish is legal), built-in net, and a beer holder.
  • Paper Towel leg - the leg was just a paper towel holder. But who wouldn't want to have paper towels around all the time?
  • Plastic Wrap leg - equipped with a large roll of plastic wrap, she could don this before going to work wrapping food for the buffet.
  • Chef's Block leg - holds a large assortment of kitchen knives, with a built-in hone, to keep them sharp. Foot doubles as a cutting board.
  • Protein Shake leg - leg is hollow. Fill it with your favorite protein shake. Add the wire ball. Walk around. Shake is perfectly stirred, ready for drinking!
  • Shovel leg - for digging holes
  • Jackhammer leg - for wrecking concrete

This went on for hundreds of pages. We would sit in English class and draw these. After class, we'd share our inventions with each other. We had a great time and stayed mostly quiet in class. One day, however, we got a little carried away and we were laughing really hard at one of the drawings. The teacher told us to throw them away. All of them. (We kept the whole collection in a binder). I was a sad panda. Well, two hours later, I got called into the principal's office.
The principal said the teacher had pulled them out of the trash and gave them to her. She said, "I see you're quite creative, but your creativity could have really hurt that girl's feelings. You have detention for a week. Every day in detention, I want you to draw a picture of how you think she'd look if she found your book of legs. Give me the picture each day." So I drew a picture of her looking really happy saying, "Wow, these are awesome legs! I wish they were real!" I got an extra week tacked on for that picture.
|


BuyMeCoffee1


© Jeremy H. Firth